Jon and Lisa's Courtship
Jon and Lisa's Courtship story
An Epic Love Story:
First Sight:
Lisa: It was a Wednesday night in February 2003... as I was leaving church a
friend, Dan Doyle, introduced me to this fine looking man, Jon Shaffer. I learned
that he was in the Air Force and thought to myself, "too bad". At the time my focus
was on graduation, living in China for a year after I graduated, and not at all on
men--particularly not on military men!
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Jon: It was my first time visiting the college class, and I remember seeing this
beautiful girl walk in the door of the darkened classroom. My first thought was,
"She is gorgeous," and my second thought was, "She has to be married or at least
seriously dating someone." After church I walked up to Dan, who I had just met at
church the Sunday before, to say hello, and he introduced me to Lisa Harris,
whom I immediately recognized as the stunning girl I saw walk into class earlier in
the evening. When he introduced us, Dan said that Lisa was going to China for a
year to be a missionary, and I remember being very impressed that she had a
heart for missions. As I left church that evening, I was determined to find out more
about this girl and get to know her better.
"Just Friends"
Lisa: Jon and I attended the same Sunday evening Bible study, and through this I
grew to respect and enjoy his comments on Scripture and how a righteous person
should strive to live. I also noticed that he was attentive and kind to everyone,
especially those on the outside of social circles. I knew that Jon was a quality guy,
but my mind was miles away from searching for MY quality guy...it was a busy
time for me! When Jon called to "talk", I was thrilled but very surprised. We talked
about all sorts of things, and when he finally got around to asking if I'd like to go
out and do something sometime, I didn't hold back. I told him all about my
committment to holding high standards in my relationships and that I did not want
to "date" a young man until I thought that he was serious potential marriage
material. This position and committment to a form of courtship had saved me so
much trouble and heartache over the years! I was serious about waiting on the
Lord's best for my love life. Jon laughed as he responded that he was very familiar
with courtship principles and was interested in pursuing that in his own life. Our
conversation deepened to all kinds of similar convictions, and I remember being
so encouraged by Jon's pure and Christ-like standards.
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Jon: I was thrilled when I found out the following Sunday that Lisa and I were in
the same Bible study. Through that study I too became very impressed with Lisa's
heart for God and her conviction. I also learned that she is a very passionate
person who does not do anything half-heartedly. One of the first times we talked, I
remember Lisa laughingly telling me that one of her goals in life was to be the first
woman president. This statement caught me off guard, but I remember thinking,
"This girl is serious in her goals." I became Lisa's biggest fan. I distinctly remember
looking forward to group activities with the college group, hoping that Lisa would
be there so that I could get to know her better. I most definitely wanted to be
friends, but I also hoped and prayed that the Lord would work it out to have
something more than just a friendship. In talking with Dan, I found out that there
were several guys in the college group who were interested in Lisa. I remained
undaunted. I knew that if she gave me a chance, I could win her heart. However,
the the first time I asked Lisa out for coffee on a Sunday afternoon before Bible
study, her response was, "I'm sorry; I have to study." I'm sure it was very true, she
probably did have to study, but I just about gave up right there. Fortunately, I
persisted. When she said she did not "date" and was committed to the the ideals
of courtship, I was also very impressed with that maturity in romantic relationships.
First Outings
Lisa: Because I wanted our friendship to be just that, a friendship, without the
pressure or confusion of more, I asked Jon if we could do things in groups. He
graciously agreed and took the initiative in inviting my friends, along with me, out
for all kinds of fun. He held cookouts; we went out to dinner, out for coffee, and to
a Disney on Ice performance with several of our friends. I always felt so relaxed
and comfortable and grateful for Jon's understanding. He always helped me
uphold my own standards and desires. On the night after my last final exam and
the week before my graduation from Faulkner University, Jon took me out for the
first time alone. We rode his motorcycle to Emerald Mountain where Jon
confessed his developing interest in me. He told me he thought that I was a very
special girl, and he knew that I was leaving for China and we just needed to
continue to be friends, but he wanted to keep in touch. I was honored but did not
want to defraud him in any way and said that I would like to keep up a friendship
with him just like many of my other friendships with my guy friends. Looking back I
think, "Wow...I was tough!"
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Jon: I knew that the time was short before Lisa graduated and moved away from
Montgomery, and I wanted to continue getting to know her better, so I decided that
I needed to spend time with her outside of church activities. When I asked her out
and she accepted, I was thrilled! Later in the week she asked if we could make it a
double date with two of her friends, and I said, "Sure, let's make it a triple date
with two of my friends as well." We all had a good time together, but Lisa was a
very "cool cat". I could never tell if she was interested in me as anything more than
just a friend. When we spent time together, I always had fun and thoroughly
enjoyed Lisa's company, but I became frustrated because I could never tell if she
was interested in the same way I was. It wasn't until much later in our relationship
that I found she really was very focused on graduation and China and quite
oblivious to my desire for anything more than just a friendship. I was ecstatic that
she accepted my invitation for a motorcycle ride, but again I felt like my expression
of interest was not returned in the same way. The Sunday after Lisa's graduation
we had a final college group Bible study, and I gave Lisa a graduation gift -
"Runaway Bride" - her favorite movie (at that time). When I left that night, I did not
know if I would ever see Lisa again. I again placed our friendship in the Lord's
hands and said, "Lord, if this is Your will, then You are going to have to work it
out, because I don't see anything happening." Well, the next weekend I was
shocked when Lisa called me (for the first time ever) and asked if I had any boxes
for her to pack her school things in to go home. Then the next morning she called
again and asked if I could come over and help pack her car with everything from
her apartment (on the third floor). I was walking on air! I remember lugging a lot of
boxes down those stairs, but I didn't care--Lisa had actually called me to ask for
my help in her move! I still knew that she was very focused on China and I just
needed to be a supportive friend while she was gone, but I also had a glimmer of
hope that there might be a little bit of interest on her part. Looking back, I am
grateful that Lisa was guarding her heart, and that the Lord was working it all out
in His perfect timing.
Halfway Around the World:
Lisa: This was an amazing experience. I lived in Hengyang, Hunan, China for
almost one full year. I taught English at Nan Hua University. My highest purpose
in being there was to share Christ with those who had never heard His name, and
there were many! The Chinese people are beautiful, very generous, and
desperate for Ultimate Truth. I could tell you of this experience for hours if not
days....but back to Jon. While I was in China, Jon was very faithful in e-mailing
and calling, and our friendship grew and deepened. After several months, I realized
that I eagerly awaited his letters and thoughts, and that I loved sharing my daily
experiences and bad and good "China moments" with him. Because of China's
communist government, we could not write openly about our faith in God or
religious activities. So Jon and I became quite creative in talking in code and
discovering each other's love for and knowledge and faith in our Heavenly Father.
We learned how to communicate on deeper levels over great distances (A skill we
will greatly use as a military family). This was such a comfortable and fun time of
discovery. After almost nine months of this, Jon decided that a visit was in order. I
hinted that my birthday was April 11th, and so he came in early April for nearly two
weeks and helped to celebrate my birthday royally! During this visit it became very
clear to me that I was interested in seeing if Jon was potential husband material. I
was still concerned about the Air Force factor, but my opinions and thoughts on
this and
many other things were being shaped, and I wanted to be open to the Lord's
leading and direction in our friendship. Through the counsel
of our families, we decided to wait on pursuing an official courtship until we were
both back in the United States. My parents counseled us
to keep our friendship open but not to commit to anything further, because my
heart's focus needed to be in China so that I could finish
strongly the work that I had been called to do there. I could not have agreed more.
It was such an important time.
I am grateful beyond words that Jon was able to experience that part of my life.
One of the moments I cherish the most about his trip was
when we were studying the Bible together with two young men desperately
seeking for Truth. It was so awesome to tag team and allow
the Spirit to work through us in reaching those souls! When I wrote to tell my
Chinese friends and students of our engagement, they were
thrilled and sent back the cutest emails. Here are just a few excerpts:
Dear Jon and Lisa:
I'm so glad to hear from you!And Jon,I admired that you can marry a beautiful
girl,treat her sincerely. Enjoy your days and be happy!
Your Ben
Dear Lisa,
I'll congratulations to you at first. I'm very happy to hear that. I can imagine you will
be the most beautiful bride in the world and happiness
on that day. God bless you and jon. Of cours, the wife is the best in his heart.
The coming next is honeymoon. Where you are going to stay. Hawaii, Paris or
other placese. I think china is the best choise . At last wish
you and Jon happiness. I'll always miss you!
Bill
Dear Sister Lisa,
Since you are the very good example for all of us ,I am confident that you can do
very well in acting as a wife just as you are a good friend
ans sister.I do hope your that you two will get along very well in the fouture,and
your love grow stonger and stonger as the love for our
father gains its powerr in our hearts.May everything goes well in your coming
wedding and marriage as well.
Best wishes for you ,your family and your future husband .
Yours ever,
Tracy
Dear Lisa:
It's so wonderful to hear your good news!
You are going to be married!I will ask every good things come to you and Jon.
Charlie
Wow, So lovely news!
Dear Mrs. Jon Shaffer:
I'm very very glad to receive your letter again and hear your wonderful news, and I
have to tell my classmates your lovely news (Could I do
that?)and I'm sure they will feel amazing. Now, I can imagine the scene that you
showed us at a speech about American marriage. An
arch decorated by a lot of flowers, the bride wears beautiful wedding sha, oh!
Thats very very beautiful! I bless you happy and happily
loyally. I hope I can see you and your handsome husband someday, in a warm
family in America. This day is coming, right?
Yours,
Peter
I have many more stored away and it delights me to read them and share them
with Jon. I love that he understands and connects to this
place and people that have so captured my heart!
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Jon: Over the summer before Lisa left for China, it was my pleasure to hear about
all of her preparations and fears. I also was privileged
to get to help both her and Jan (one of her best friends from school) financially in
getting to China. What a treat! On Aug 23rd Lisa left for
China, and on Aug 24th I deployed to the country of Kyrgyzstan for Operation
Enduring Freedom. Over the next nine months I enjoyed
keeping in touch with Lisa through the phone and e-mail. It definitely was a
valuable time of growing deeper in our friendship and learning
more about each other in a no pressure environment. While Lisa was in China, I
made three separate trips to Kyrgyzstan and spent a total
of about six months there flying troops and supplies into and out of Afghanistan. It
was a good time to focus on reading and growing
deeper in my relationship with the Lord, when I wasn't flying. While I was
deployed, it was one of my greatest pleasures to go to the
morale tent to read Lisa's e-mails or to write to her.
The country of Kyrgyzstan used to be part of the Soviet Union. It sits just below
Russia and just to the east of China. In fact, it shares a
border with China. While I was deployed, I was about 2,000 miles from Hengyang,
where Lisa was in China, and when I visited in April, I
had to travel the long way around. I covered twenty-one time zones in ten days
and was ecstatic to be able to visit Lisa. I had an incredible
time there visiting the people that she had grown to love so much and having the
opportunity to share the gospel with two hungry seekers.
What a blessing! In China I finally shared my true feelings towards Lisa and my
desire to see if the Lord might take our relationship
beyond a friendship. Lisa reciprocated my feelings, and it was quite exciting to
hear after pursuing her for over a year. Since we wanted to
respect both of our parents wishes and seek their counsel, we waited to begin an
official courtship until we were both back on US soil.
Courtship:
Lisa: I got back to the US two weeks before Jon returned from Kyrgyzstan. It was
a good time of readjusting and facing the reverse culture
shock. My heart had done so much changing and shaping under the skillful hands
of the Lord and I had begun to desire a relationship
with Jon unlike any other! He had become one of my closest friends and I was
intriqued by this man and eager to know him more and be
known by him! On July 17th, 2004, I stood among other dear friends as we met
Jon and others who returned from Operation Enduring
Freedom on the runway in Montgomery, AL. Later that night, after dinner with
friends, we went for a ride once again on his motorcycle up to
Emerald Mountain. There he told me that he had asked for my father's permission
to begin a courtship with me, and now he was asking
for my permission. I'll spare you the details of the other wonderful things that he
said that night! And so our courtship had officially begun.
Jon and I were serious in our desire to save our best for the person that the Lord
had for each of us to marry. In our desire to seek purity,
we had decided to save our kisses for the person we were going to marry, That's
right, neither of us had ever been kissed! I am so
grateful for the commitment to purity that I feel like the Lord asked of me when I
was 12 years old. I felt so protected and free to be in love
with Christ and Him only until He brought His best to me. In courtship, our goals
were to get to know each other on a deeper level as we
determined along with our families and friends if this relationship should proceed
towards marriage. Until we knew for sure, we continued
to guard our own and each other's hearts and save our kisses. This time of
waiting was very, very special and well worth the wait!
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Jon: I was more than a little excited to see Lisa along with all my other friends
waiting for me on the ramp at Maxwell when we arrived
home. On our trip home from Kyrgyzstan, we spent the night in St. John's, New
Foundland, Canada, and the night before we were to arrive
in Montgomery, I called Lisa's dad to ask his permission to court Lisa. To my great
thrill he said, "Yes," and on July 17th, 2004, I took Lisa
back to Emerald Mountain to ask if she would like to pursue a courtship and see if
the Lord led us to marriage. And so our beautiful
courtship began.
I have always felt that I wanted to save my first kiss for the woman that I was going
to marry, so I had never kissed a girl. Early in our
friendship Lisa and I had discussed our desire for complete purity, and how we
both desired to save our first kiss for the person we were
to marry. So we agreed to save our first kiss for our engagement if the Lord led us
to that point. Throughout this past fall I have been
fortunate to not deploy again, and I have lived in Alabama while Lisa has lived with
her family in South Carolina. We have logged many
miles traveling between Montgomery and Columbia (nearly every weekend), and
have many stories to tell of our adventures. We grew
closer and closer together and found that our views on God, family, and life
seemed to naturally mesh together. Through a lot of prayer
and advice from our parents, we both felt the Lord was leading us to begin a life
together.
On December 4th, 2004, I took Lisa on one more motorcycle ride to Emerald
Mountain, and at about 9:30 in the evening I asked her to
marry me. She said, "Yes", and we shared our first kiss-- and it was AMAZING!
Read our "Proposal" to hear the rest of the story. . . .
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